Compassion for the Wolverines

As someone who was born a Buckeye (Circleville), grew up a Hoosier, and became a Spartan by the Grace of God, sympathy for fans of the University of Michigan doesn't come easy. Yet this year, it seems to be coming to me--they've beaten their last years' performance of losing to Appalachian State by losing to a number of teams they're not used to losing to--Penn State, Michigan State, Utah, Notre Dame, and others. It looks like they've probably got a good flogging coming up in the horseshoe come November, too, and they may have compounded their woes by giving their head coach a contract extension (now if we can only get Gerry Faust back in South Bend!). So a little bit of compassion for our (least) favorite weasels might be in order.

So if you're a Michigan fan reading this (Go Blue, and take the Lions with you!), keep in mind that your favorite team is doing a great favor to its fans by stinking up the Big House; they're helping hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions, control their blood pressure. Moreover, there is some more good news; American Standard has apparently just issued the weasels a bowl invitation!

Finally, a huge blessing; if you're a Michigan fan who has always wanted to invite your favorite player to a Christmas or New Year's party, this year the Wolverines will be available. Contrary to ordinary opinion, you don't need to double your order at the caterers, 'cause this year, they obviously ain't hungry.