Monday, July 12, 2010

Simian warriors?

WorldNetDaily reports today that apparently some of our enemies are thinking about training monkeys to attack our troops with Kalishnikovs and such--following Stalin's desire to breed super-warriors who were impervious to pain and not terribly caring about the quality of their food.

There are any number of things that are...well....amusing here.   First of all, how exactly do you train a simian intellect to clean his weapon (OK, it's just an AK, but still) without killing himself, and exactly how do you get a simian intellect to figure out who is Taliban and who is a Marine?  I can see this going disastrously wrong for that reason alone!  Can you even reliably load, hold and fire a rifle without fully opposable thumbs?

Stalin's idea is even more hilarious for a simple reason; apes and monkeys generally subsist on a diet of fresh fruits, vegetables, and occasionally fresh meat.  Humans, on the other hand, can subsist for quite a while on basic bread and water.  So what's the closest thing to the ideal soldier?

The human, at least until you consider that leaders tend to catch flak when there are too many grieving widows and mothers out there.

So is the report true?  I'm guessing "doubtful."

1 comment:

pentamom said...

In that case, apparently George Lucas had the right idea with clones bred to be intelligent but docile. All the advantages of humans, none of the social or psychological disadvantages.