You need to buy some tea

Today, the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld King George III's law requiring Boston residents to purchase tea from the East India Company, although harshly worded dissent noted that the suit by the house of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha had been filed 230 years after the expiration of the statute of limitations.

OK, not entirely true, but my story makes just as much sense as the real decision, which holds that the federal government can, under the Interstate Commerce Clause (written by the same people who supported the Boston Tea Party, of course), compel people under penalty of fines and imprisonment to purchase health insurance.