Let's create some disfunctions

Both the pastor and another family in the church my family now attends have adopted children--the former, two children from Calcutta, and the latter, six from Liberia.  Contrast that, then, with the fact that there are apparently 115,000 adoptable children currently in foster care in the United States, and the fact that domestic adoption is basically free, while foreign adoption can cost $10-20,000 per child, or even more.   Economically speaking, there has got to be a reason that many (most?) Americans choose to adopt overseas instead of domestically, and shun foster adoptions.

It turns out that yes, there is a reason; when you combine factors like child abuse, maternal alcohol and drug use during and after pregnancy, and the foster care system, one tends to get children with very deep-seated emotional problems--one name, evidently, is called "reactive attachment disorder," or "RAD."  Adoptive parents--including my brother-in-law and his family--have learned the "hard way" that parenting such children without adequate support is nigh unto impossible.

In my brother-in-law's case, support was not forthcoming from social services--faced with a "failure to thrive" report from a new pediatrician, they simply acted on the new pediatrician's report without bothering to consult, or heed, either the medical history or the counsel of the parents or old pediatrician.  As foster parents, they consistently dealt with social services ignoring their request for "no crack babies" as well--one reason they no longer are foster parents.  In general, too many were willing to accuse, few, if any, were willing to assist.

It would seem, then, that if the church is to help these 115,000 children become adopted, they must become an extended family in a much deeper way than is typical--I would dare suggest providing medical, family logistics, and even legal assistance in these matters--one of the quickest ways to rein in an out of control social services worker is to hand them a phone and say "you can talk to my lawyer now."

Closer to home for those of us who do not adopt is the question of what proportion of problems for U.S. foster children results from abuse (including substance abuse), and what proportion results from the foster system.  Why so?

Simple.  If the repeated attachment/detachment cycles from foster care can result in emotional and mental disorders, what about the repeated attachment/detachment cycles found at most daycare centers?  What about the results of putting your infant in a room to "cry it out", witholding feedings until it fits "the schedule," and so on?

It is one thing--and perhaps a good one--to stand against today's foster care system if it is indeed harming children where an orphanage system would do less harm.  It may be far more important, however, to ask what we may be doing in our own homes, and correct that.