Top 11 list; real reasons for Vanuatu (New Hebrides) earthquakes

Many familiar with international news may be aware of earthquakes on the islands of Vanuatu, formerly known as the New Hebrides.  These are the islands ministered to by John Paton a century ago, and even now there are active missionary efforts--including some by a dear friend of mine from Colorado, who I'll call "Mike" because that's his name.  He was visiting his friends "Steve" and "Jane."

Now, for the real things which went on in Vanuatu:

11. Gutteral sounds of spoken Hebrew in discussions between Mike & Steve mistaken for quake.

10. Rumbles started during heated debates over the impact of Calvinism on whether Australia or Colorado is truly God’s country.

9. Mike missed dinner--aftershocks were just his stomach growling.

8. Shaking was the islands’ nervousness over the environmental impact of Al Gore’s profligate lifestyle.

7. Aftershocks resulted from Mike shooting feral pigs to feed cannibals to avoid being eaten himself.

6. Steve and Mike were running away from tribesmen who worship the Prince of Wales, need to lose some weight.

5. Mike jumped too hard on soapbox while doing street preaching.

4. Theological debate between Mike & Steve got too heated, table pounding registered on Geiger counters.

3. Too much spices in Jane’s cooking for Mike’s delicate intestines caused quakelike rumblings.
2. Arguments between Mike and Steve over whether Aussie or U.S. football was better got out of hand. (Mike lost with Tim Tebow’s new haircut…ouch!)

1. The Word of God is not just a double edged sword, it’s also apparently a jackhammer.