Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Please, please, please don't do this

It appears that a growing number of marriage therapists are bent on introducing one of Deming's seven deadly diseases of management--number three to be specific--to the marriage relationship.  Yes, they are really advocating that couples have an annual performance review.

One would think that they were paid off by divorce lawyers to recommend this, as in work life, the performance review is at best a nonissue--the manager has communicated his views and feedback to the employee already, so it introduces no new information besides the size of the raise, if that.

At worst, the manager does introduce new information to the employee, and since the manager has waited an average of nine months to give this feedback, it is outdated and invariably negative.  Who waits to give positive feedback, after all?  Attaboys and Attagirls do not cause confrontations.  And in many cases, since the manager has waited a long time to give feedback, the information is false--there have been a couple of cases where I felt downright slanderous.

It also strikes me that, while I do hold to the Biblical doctrine of headship, even the most submissive wives are going to get a touch grouchy (to put it mildly) at being treated as an employee. 

So if you want to have a better marriage, don't do this, but rather simply make a practice of routine self-evaluation and asking your spouse how things are going.  Waiting months to give negative feedback is simply a great way of getting divorce papers served.

But on the bright side, the psychologists are choosing only one deadly disease, which is better than the city of New York can say.  They're encouraging promiscuous Gothamites to get IUDs, which of course exposes them to far more than seven deadly diseases.  #50 Shades of Stupid.


Sue M. said...

My husband and I attended Marriage Encounter weekend a few years back. One of the best things they teach you is to provide frequent feedback, both positive and negative, to your spouse. During the weekend, you learn a way to do this is a very loving, non-threatening way. No annual performance review necessary or recommended :).

I highly recommend that all married couples attend Marriage Encounter at least once. It's available worldwide and in nearly all Christian "expressions" (denominations). There may even be Jewish Marriage Encounter. We attended one associated with our denomination (Anglican), but I don't think was much, if anything, that would be offensive to Christians from other faith traditions.

Bike Bubba said...

Thanks for the comment, and for the visit. I'll look that up.