What is masculinity, and what is femininity?

In my earlier post regarding the trans debate and the likelihood that doctors might make tragically wrong decisions, I received the following comment from Hearthie:

I like your thoughts in general, but I blame it on a list of factors:

1.  It is historically true that some percentage of girls freaks out completely and wants to refuse to become women during puberty.  Old fiction is rife with this as a trope.  These girls usually grow up to be strong-minded women with families - not lesbians.  They just didn't want the changes (and the responsibilities) that womanhood brings.  So, that's normal.

2.  But since we've redefined womanhood as about as deep and lipstick and heels, now we think you can put it on or off like a shirt.  It's a performance, not a reality.

3.  Which rot got solidly set in when we decided that "male" was the way to be in society.  When feminism said "we don't want to be strong women with brains, we want to be men in heels, so uh....we think women could really just be men in heels.

Now--just as it was with the original post--it's certainly more complicated than that, but it strikes me that this is almost certainly part of the issue.  If you're not stereotypically male or female--heels and lipstick for women, bulging muscles and chugging beer for men--then you're probably far more likely to confuse "I'm a person who doesn't fit in with the dominant stereotypes" with "I was born with the wrong body parts".  Many are noting these days that autistic people are far more likely to show up in the ranks of "trans" people, and it's not hard to notice that autistic people are...people who do not fit the dominant stereotypes.

Read Hearthie's full comment for more.  If there is something to this, we can affirm, again, that today's mental health establishment can do a lot better than it is currently doing for gender dysphoria. As the Hippocratic oath begins, 

First, do no harm.