On the light side

My wife and I have become aware of new AI-enabled scales in the health club to which they belong, and they have somehow learned Italian.  So when I stood on the scale, it honestly (if a bit insultingly) said "Grasso" (fat), and when my very slender 13 year old stood on the same scale, it said "magro" (skinny).

The scales got a little bit cocky, though, when they were put into the women's locker room, and apparently about a dozen of them got smashed to atoms before they learned to just say "bellisima".  

Speaking of lumberjacks.....

.....apparently "Jihadi John" likes to do the tango with captive men.  Not that there's anything wrong or weird about that, of course, but somehow it brings this to mind.

Sigh

Apparently, Doug Wilson has gotten himself into (yet another) kerfuffle by making the horrible observation that Christian women are prettier, and then defending that wild claim.  Because, of course, it must be a sin to notice that a woman (or man) is attractive, which is why Christ explicitly condemns the Holy Spirit for noticing that Rachel and David (and a bunch of others) were attractive.

Um, wait, not in my Bible.  No, our Lord does not do this.  So wait a minute on this one; if God Himself can notice that a person is attractive without sinning (and of course that's the case), exactly why would we say that a person cannot do the same?  It is as if we've forgotten the difference between a smile and a leer. 

Now there may be great reason not to verbalize the fact that many of our sisters in church are very pretty in some cases--our current culture being about 100 of those reasons--but if we outright say there's something wrong with noticing, we're really coming close to saying something about our Counselor that we really ought not say.  And the Bible does say something about that.

Manly Monday; intimacy

No, not that kind of intimacy, though if you do it right, yes, it'll tend to lead there if you're married.  I'm talking about the closeness and love that is consistently displayed in Paul's epistles. 

No kidding; we tend to think that we moderns understand what Paul was getting at because, after all, Paul was born in the Greek area of Tarsus, and we have learned our logic from Aristotle, right?  OK, scotch that, because most of us never really learned our logic.  Maybe we'd better recheck our assumptions; do we really understand Paul, or are we simply using his Greekness to impose our own worldview on Paul?

My take is that most of the sermons that I've heard about the epistles concentrate....mostly on what we'd call "dry doctrine" today, and not on the incredible relationship that Paul has with the churches.  Examples?  Sure.  What about the lists of people to greet and the end of each epistle?  What about....the persistent use of "you"?

Or, more directly, look at 1 Thess. 5:12; we are told to "know" them which labor among us--"eidenai" in the Greek, also used for knowing God.  Now it's translated "recognize" in the NKJ, "respect" in the NIV, but the root word is still to "know."  And how would we properly recognize or respect those who work among us if....we did not know them?  Being from the Greek, it's of course not the word we remember from Genesis, but......yes, I have to wonder if Paul is pointing here to some very close relationships existed in these early churches.

So, dear brother, do you know your pastor?  Ever had him and his family over for dinner?  Played golf with him?  Greet him while he's running?  Gotten to understand his struggles and weaknesses?

Are you in a church where that is possible, or has the pastor allowed his flock to grow to where....the sheep do not know the shepherd's voice any more?  How are you ministering to your own flock?  Do they know their shepherd?  Do your precious ewe know her shepherd's voice? 

And now you see how listening to Paul can benefit you in more ways than spiritually.  Listen closely; there is doctrine there, but it's buried in a flood of Paul's affection for those he serves.

The President's Jobs Plan, Explained

Now of course, people like Pentadad, Mitch Berg, and Mr. Dilettante have done a great job clarifying what Comrade Obama wants to do to for the country with his joblessness plan, but really, we ought to make it simpler, so even liberals can understand.  It's part of being manly; being concise.  So here it is:

President Obama's plan for creating jobs is to take money from those whose businesses are profitable, and giving it to guys like the clowns who ran Solyndra into Chapter 7.

With friends like Barry Soetoro, our economy needs no enemies.

Manly Monday: Now lead already

In my summer week of fun, one of the adults noted something that my dear sweet wife has both loved and been irritated at--that when push comes to shove in terms of "herding the kittens" at VBS or elsewhere, sometimes it helps when the voice is a testosterone-induced tenor, baritone, or base instead of an estrogen-filled alto or soprano.  That is, whether we like it or not, we are programmed to respond to men differently than we respond to women, and that this makes a difference in all areas of life.

In the same way, a lot of the greatest disasters in homeschooling--a cause I obviously cherish--occur when the husband is passive or unsupportive, and one can also point out that a lot of the greatest failures in marriage occur when the husband has been sidelined from his proper role.  For that matter, what is our welfare state but a mass failure in family and, transitively, masculine leadership?

How to fix things?  Well, this post about music in church demonstrates that we've kind of forgotten how to go about it after fifty years of the "National Association of Gals," and so the best I can come up with is this; men, initiate something.  Now lead already.  As long as it's not criminal or otherwise immoral, I'm not quite sure what you try really matters as long as you try something with your family in mind.

Manly Monday; how not to be manly

Easy.  Act like Alan Greenspan and note that with fiat money, central banks can simply print their way out of a debt crisis.   Because, of course, it worked SO well for Weimar Germany, and nobody ever complained about what happened after the Reichsbank printed ton after ton of Reichsmarks to pay for the expenses of the inter-war government, and it's not like a discontented Gefreite from the neighboring country of Austria could possibly become Reichskanzler and lead the world into a war that killed over fifty million people.  And it's not like Hungary, Austria, Argentina, Brazil (really most of Latin America), or Zimbabwe ever had any difficulties with hyperinflation, did they?

Real men, of course, know that dishonest scales--inflationary monetary policy in today's terms--are an abomination unto the Lord.  Playing games with the value of currency to achieve policy goals is unmanly, not to mention disastrous.

Manly Monday; Give us this day

Thinking of the manly art of husbandry, the Lord's Prayer comes to mind, and specifically Matthew 6:11, "Give us this day our daily bread."  How so?  Let's unpack it.

First of all, it speaks of humble contentment in asking Him for our daily bread, and not our daily filet mignon, Chilean sea bass, eighteen year single malt Scotch, Porsche, or whatever else might be luxurious.  How many men have torpedoed their family's financial stability--and faith for that matter--by giving in to the desire for more and better stuff--the big steaks, the new SUV or sports car, the motorcycle, the library full of rare books, the humidor or wine cabinet, or worst of all, a trophy wife or series of girlfriends.

And if we can trust people like Dave Ramsey, guess who leads the way to bankruptcy for most families?  Sorry, lads, you can't blame your wife's purchases at the latest Tupperware party or beauty salon for this one. 

Along the same lines, getting this book this weekend speaks to bread in a different way; specifically, the reality that bread that's worth eating (as opposed to this stuff) takes some real time and effort--just like marriage.  I've not gotten through the whole book yet, and I've learned that previously, I wasn't kneading the dough long enough, that I was adding too much flour, that I was adding too much sourdough, that my sourdough isn't even a true sourdough, I wasn't letting it rise long enough, and I wasn't forming the loaves correctly.  My work was still better than most stuff you'd find in the grocery store, but I was being hasty, and it showed.

How many of us treat our wives and children like I was treating a lump of dough?  "I want this now, now, now," and because we want it now, we never get "it"--and "it" can refer to any number of things, from a wife's affections to our children coming to know the Savior, no?

The good news is that a bit of patience and a tiny bit of knowledge--really only implementing a little bit the book's recommendations--I managed to create five of the best loaves of bread I've ever created in my life over the past weekend.  One of them--a three pound miche, disappeared in the course of ten minutes after last night's prayer service, and there were not that many people eating it.

So if you need your wife--and you know you do--maybe it's time to follow Peter Reinhart's recommendation and knead your wife.  You know she could do with a good backrub, and who knows what good it will do?

A late Manly Monday; how to destroy your children

A while back, I discussed the curious reality that a lot of the sleaziest pop stars were raised in theoretically Bible-believing churches, and it seems appropriate (with the recent death of Amy Winehouse) to revisit how one can destroy one's children if one so desires.

It seems, from much of the evidence, that step one for destroying one's children is often to divorce their mother.  Nothing can align a child's view against the eternal and towards the temporal like deciding that one's life commitments don't matter, and that your personal success and temporary happiness means more than your pledge before God.

Step two, it seems, is to start worshipping--in earnest--what our dear brothers Les Freres Bayly might call the "bitch goddess of success."  When your child begins to uncover her nakedness--just a little of course--at the request of her handlers to be a little bit more "edgy," don't object on the grounds of Leviticus 18, whatever you do.  Just watch the money flowing in and hope the judge wasn't too generous to your ex-wife.

You can even start this step before your child starts earning money by ignoring the things she's learning (or he's learning in school, or by allowing him to drop out of school when you know he doesn't have the basic life skills to make it on his own.  Again, this is all about grasping for the brass ring out there--if only you will surrender your child's immortal soul, you can have wealth that rusts and rots!

Step 3 is to ignore the clear signs that things are wrong; things like broken relationships, heavy drinking and substance use, and glorifying things that lead to death.  Just remember that this is especially "edgy," and those pictures of your child passed out in Vegas and New York are going to translate to album sales, you know?

Because, of course, you are living vicariously through your child--or at least your wallet is--and if you rein in your child with the hope of her returning to her Lord, you're going to have to leave that big mansion you built for yourself, too.  You see, you haven't just destroyed your children, have you?