SOTU unwrapped

As a public service to those who, like myself, were doing something more productive during the SOTU address last night, like watching MSU wallop Michigan in hoops or the AKC finals, here's a little bit of unwrapping of the President's SOTU address with fake quotes from Dear Leader himself:

Proposal for minimum wage hikes:  "Never having run a business, I have no clue that the cost of a commodity influences demand for it."

Proposal for more "green energy" funding:  "Just because half the companies my administration funded went bankrupt doesn't mean I don't know a sound investment from a bad one, does it?"

Proposal for more funding for Head Start:  "If we get everyone to participate, then it won't be so obvious that Head Start participants are indistiguishable from other students by third grade."

Proposal for more taxes to pay for it all:  "Never having run a business, I have no clue that when you take resources away from business owners, it changes how much they invest in their businesses."