Bottled something or other review

I would honor Fraters Libertas and do a "beer review", but maybe that's a little bit premature....well, maybe a review of this type, I guess....at any rate, I suddenly found a few bottles of something with mountains on the label courtesy...oh, wait, I'd better not ignore Exodus 20:12 by naming who left them in my fridge...but here are some of the comments my fellow reviewer and I made while sampling this mass market drink.

Boy, you can sure taste that Rocky Mountain water!  (hopefully without the giardia!

Reminds me of an unsweetened ginger ale.

Good thing they're not aggravating shortages of hops and malt in making this.

Remember when we....you know....the canoe?

Just like gin and tonic, hold the gin.

Reminds me of the sparkling water I had at lunch today.

Maybe give it to the donkey a couple more times?

Subtle hints of hops and malt with an overall aroma of carbonated water.

Never mind that last comment.  There were no hints of hops or malt that we could detect, actually, and it reminds me of something I wrote earlier about things that are optimized for drinkability--they are designed to get the drinker to drink the most possible, and with 4.7% alcohol in this particular seltzer water, that's a recipe for trouble, especially among inexperienced drinkers.  Even if drunkenness does not become a problem, the phenomenon of "beer guts" ought to remind us that excessive weight, heart disease, and diabetes might.

Want a great reason to try a good pumpkin peach ale?  There you go.  And once again, my hearty thanks to the people of Germany for ruining me forever for mass market American beers, chocolate, sausage, bread, coffee, pastries...